


Scare th'Deers

by outsideth3box



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: 100-1000 Words, Earth, Humor, M/M, Series, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-01
Updated: 2010-04-01
Packaged: 2017-10-08 14:35:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/76651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outsideth3box/pseuds/outsideth3box
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn wants to try it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scare th'Deers

**Author's Note:**

> An Iowa snippet inspired by [](http://sheafrotherdon.livejournal.com/profile)[**sheafrotherdon**](http://sheafrotherdon.livejournal.com/)'s "A Farm In Iowa" series. It was a pick-me-up gift for Cate, who then urged me to post it.   
> Wordcount: 731  
> Disclaimer: I do not own the Stargate Atlantis characters, nor the Farm In Iowa universe, although I adore both to the depths of my soul.

  
"What? John Sheppard, what are you...?" Rodney sputters, wide-spread hands raised high, primly avoiding contamination by the shocking scene. John spins, a liquid arc following him around in a spiraling splash, but he can't stop the stream of urine fast enough without giving himself eight different kinds of hernias, so he stares at the wet spots on Rodney's shoes, growling at the way he flushes in the face of Rodney's gape-mouthed horror. Finn is at Rodney's side, face-splitting grin underlining his enjoyment of his fathers' tomfoolery.

"Baffa's peeing outdoors!" Finn crows, bright-eyed, as if this is the most glorious idea ever to grace mankind. Rodney huffs and puffs and waves a flapping hand at his shoes, the ground, at John, standing there, red-faced, with his private parts in his hand.

"We came to tell you lunch is ready, only to find that your abysmal sense of direction has clearly failed you once again and you've gotten lost on your way to the bathroom, which is still upstairs, by the way,_ in the house_."

When John tries to speak, Rodney folds his arms and interrupts.

"I know there's some macho, chest-thumping explanation for this, but it's going to have to wait now, while I go burn my shoes. You'll be buying me a new pair, of course, and socks, too. And when you're reciting your justification, make sure it's sufficiently discouraging to our son, who won't be dropping his drawers in the wide open spaces and flopping his – floppy bits about in the wind, I don't care if it grows money trees."

Rodney stomps off, scowling thunderously, toward the house, grumbling about freakish, exhibitionist nature-lovers. Finn awkwardly hop-steps along beside him, trying to keep his legs untangled and moving forward while staring worshipfully back at John, who's busy tucking away the goods.

Lunch stutters through a halting explanation of meat-eating predators and smelly pee that keeps the deer away from the corn, interrupted every few words by questions from Finn, who has clearly been listening to his father's diatribes about nitrites and meat by-products and doesn't think bologna is real meat, and a discourse by Rodney, woven between John's words, outlining the horrors of sunburn and mosquito bites in personal places.

It's just after dinner, though, Rodney's filling the dishwasher and John's just done putting away leftovers, when the thudding sound of young feet grows closer behind them. John turns to see Finn waddling toward the door at an impressive clip, one hand grasping his crotch, thighs clenched, intent on clearing a path with one flailing arm.

"'Scuse me, 'scuse me, e'rybody outta way!" When John moves to intercept him he's treated to a body check he'd be proud of, if it weren't aimed at him. "Hurry, Baffa, gotta pee!"

Paying no mind to the tragic moan from Rodney, John grips Finn's shoulders and tries to turn him. "Bathroom's upstairs, 'jumper."

"Nooooooooo!" Finn twists and squirms in the gotta-go dance, clutching himself desperately. "Wanna pee inna garden, Baffa! Scare th'deers!"

Rodney levels a narrow-eyed Look What You've Done glare at John, and parks himself in the doorway, a human blockade should Finn break through the first line of defense. John isn't quite sure why Rodney's so dead set against Finn peeing outside, he figures all boys do it, it's one of the perks of being a boy, but the look on Rodney's face says he'd better come up with something quick or trouble will rain on his head like The Flood.

"Sorry, buddy, you're not big enough to scare any deer yet. You have to be bigger than the deer for that to work." He doesn't know if this is true, but it sounds good. God might get him for making up stories to his kid, but that's actually desirable compared to Rodney's revenge if he doesn't pull this off. Rodney's meaner.

"Aw, Baffa!" John gets Finn headed in the right direction with only a little stomping and pleading, but he stands firm, and once Finn's thumping up the stairs, John ducks into the pantry and grabs a handful out of the box of Cheerios. He figures a game of target practice will be a reasonable compromise, no matter Rodney's dismay over John's willingness to make unsanitary bathroom activities into games.

John gets his reward after lights out, when Rodney checks his personal places over for sunburn or mosquito bites _extra_ thoroughly.


End file.
